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"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"
Job,
Standard
Customized
More
"One of the greatest challenges in collecting child support is that deadbeat dads move from job to job and state to state. it's hard to keep track of them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The more you stay in this kind of job, the more you realize that a public figure, a major public figure, is a lonely man."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If kids come to educators and teachers from strong, healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier. If they do not come to us from strong, healthy, functioning families, it makes our job more important."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm an ordinary guy with an extraordinary job."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Masochism is a valuable job skill."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I know what my job is: I write the songs, I sing them, I play them on the piano."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sure it's a big job; but I don't know anyone who can do it better than I can."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The most terrible job in warfare is to be a second lieutenant leading a platoon when you are on the battlefield."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Writing is an incredibly lonely job."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you've moved past a point where you're just scrambling for jobs, you think about the things that you want to do. And the things that you want to do are governed by what you've seen, what you choose to embrace."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Humor
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
Humor
"As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula."
Humor
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
Religion
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
Humor
"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."
Computer
"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."
Chance
"The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting."
History
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
Car
"I want a pit crew... I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems."
Car
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