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"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."
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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
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Personal Development
"This book was written using 100% recycled words."
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Personal Development
"Punctuality is the thief of time."
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Personal Development
"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
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Personal Development
"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
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Personal Development
"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."
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Personal Development
"I come here with no expectations, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be...yours."
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Personal Development
"New York: A third-rate Babylon."
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Personal Development
"He [Old Mr. Turveydrop] was a fat old gentleman with a false complexion, false teeth, false whiskers, and a wig. He had a fur collar, and he had a padded breast to his coat, which only wanted a star or a broad blue ribbon to be complete. He was pinched in, and swelled out, and got up, and strapped down, as much as he could possibly bear."
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"The troops and their ladies had first drunk champagne. There were also remains of sandwiches, and I stepped on one, which I think was either cucumber or watercress. I scraped it off on the curbing, left it there for germs. I'll tell you this, though: No germ is going to leave the Solar System eating sissy stuff like that.Plutonium! Now there's the stuff to put hair on a microbe's chest."
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"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."
Art
"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."
Society
"Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity."
Religion
"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."
Art
"Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on."
Act
"Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."
Failure
"Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience."
Experience
"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues."
Language
"Philanthropist: a rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket."
Society
"Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."
Philosophy
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