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"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
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"I know my corn plants intimately, and I find it a great pleasure to know them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We made a demand for the the same wage rates to be paid in the Canadian plants as in the U.S. plants."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
Water
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
Business
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
Time
"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"
Children
"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
Work
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
Life
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
People
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
Being
"I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down."
Cause
"It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?"
People
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