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Jon Stewart

"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."

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"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."

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Asa Don Brown

"There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world."

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Asa Don Brown

"Great is the difference betwixt a man's being frightened at, and humbled for his sins."

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Asa Don Brown

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad."

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Asa Don Brown

"The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down."

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Asa Don Brown

"It's like being a Knight of the Garter. It's an honor, but it doesn't hold up anything."

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Asa Don Brown

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved."

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Asa Don Brown

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

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Asa Don Brown

"It is a common enough case, that of a man being suddenly captivated by a woman nearly the opposite of his ideal."

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Asa Don Brown

"And they write innumerable books; being too vain and distracted for silence: seeking every one after his own elevation, and dodging his emptiness."

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Asa Don Brown

"Instead of being concerned that you have no office, be concerned to think how you may fit yourself for office. Instead of being concerned that you are not known, see to the (be?) worthy of being known."

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Jon Stewart
"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."
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"President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader."
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"The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him."
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Jon Stewart
"McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done."
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Jon Stewart
"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."
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Jon Stewart
"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."
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Jon Stewart
"More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had."
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Jon Stewart
"There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!"
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Jon Stewart
"Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?"
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"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
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