"Well, that's an evil smile..."

Humor, Observation, Life, Reflection

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"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Beginning, Word

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

Humor, Love, Insanity, Marriage

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

Explore more quotes by James Patterson

"Isn't it lucky?"

Fate

"Because now, the magic is everywhere."

Wonder

"And you're blind?"Uh-huh," Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?"No."How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened."

Lesson

"And Flock Rule Number Two is, Don't argue with Max or you'll live to regret it." I spun and stomped out to the clearing, turning back for one last jab at Dylan. "And by the way, you clearly DON'T know me better than Fang does. Do you see Fang arguing with me? No, you do not."Fang rolled his eyes."

Advice

"In a manner of speaking. As we intend for you to found a dynasty. And that dynasty will rule society until it has progressed enough to-""Overthrow the dynasty in a revolutionary, blood filled coup!" Iggy said eagerly.We all looked at him."Just saying." He sheepishly took a bite of cookie."

Politics

"AS WE LAY THERE WE FELT LIKE WE WERE EXTENSTIONS OF EACH OTHER, LIKE OUR BODIES AND OUR HEARTS HAD TO BE TOGETHER TO MAKE ONE WHOLE PERFECT PERSON."

Romance

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

"The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word."

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Explore more quotes by James Patterson

"Isn't it lucky?"

"Because now, the magic is everywhere."

"And you're blind?"Uh-huh," Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?"No."How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?"Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened."

"And Flock Rule Number Two is, Don't argue with Max or you'll live to regret it." I spun and stomped out to the clearing, turning back for one last jab at Dylan. "And by the way, you clearly DON'T know me better than Fang does. Do you see Fang arguing with me? No, you do not."Fang rolled his eyes."

"In a manner of speaking. As we intend for you to found a dynasty. And that dynasty will rule society until it has progressed enough to-""Overthrow the dynasty in a revolutionary, blood filled coup!" Iggy said eagerly.We all looked at him."Just saying." He sheepishly took a bite of cookie."

"AS WE LAY THERE WE FELT LIKE WE WERE EXTENSTIONS OF EACH OTHER, LIKE OUR BODIES AND OUR HEARTS HAD TO BE TOGETHER TO MAKE ONE WHOLE PERFECT PERSON."

"Nope, you stick out like a fart in a church."

"To me, that's the ultimate isolation - to be separated from my own mind."

"There you have it: our lives in a nutshell. Emphasis on nut."

"Human skin hisses like a rattlesnake when it burns."