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"I look like Walt Disney just threw up."
Disney

"If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!"
Man

"I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States."
President

"If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife."
Wife

"I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around."
Car

"You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards."
Confession

"If I were like your mother, I would be a woman."
Mother

"Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana."
Eating

"If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me."
Man

"What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess."
Chess
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"No men are oftener wrong than those that can least bear to be so."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Many men are contemptuous of riches; few can give them away."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Genius: the superhuman in man."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Men exist for the sake of one another."
Author Name
Personal Development

"One man's ways may be as good as another's, but we all like our own best."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I will praise any man that will praise me."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When men come to like a sea-life, they are not fit to live on land."
Author Name
Personal Development

"A man should be upright, not be kept upright."
Author Name
Personal Development
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