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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years.""
Time
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
Family
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
Success
"Children make your life important."
Life
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
Friendship
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
Friendship
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
Humor
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
Car
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
School
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
God
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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Personal Development
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