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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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Personal Development
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"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."
Life
"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."
Car
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
Dream
"Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?"
Observation
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
Car
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
Christian
"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
Food
"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."
Nothing
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Reason
"Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub."
Strength
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