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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."
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Personal Development
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"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
Success
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
Friendship
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
Friendship
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
God
"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
Old
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
Will
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
Car
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
Car
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
Car
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
School
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