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"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
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"Still, most of those effects occur in the context of harmless play and it is patently obvious that children are not normally turned into aggressive little monsters by TV or video games, since most children do not become aggressive little monsters."
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Personal Development
"Cullen is up there killing my children. He's killing everyone."
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Personal Development
"More than Captain America your kids need Amelia Earhart " more than Ant Man, they need Abraham Lincoln - more than Green Arrow they need Gandhi " more than Iron Man they need Isaac Newton."
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Personal Development
"There is no overt rivalry among our children."
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Personal Development
"We want better reasons for having children than not knowing how to prevent them."
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Personal Development
"My biggest regret is that I didn't teach my two children how to speak Spanish."
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Personal Development
"Children wish fathers looked but with their eyes; fathers that children with their judgment looked; and either may be wrong."
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Personal Development
"You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going."
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Personal Development
"It's shameful what's happening in this country in terms of what we deny our children."
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Personal Development
"I do very well three things: my job, stupidities and children."
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"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."
England
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."
Family
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
Night
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."
Sex
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
Coffee
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."
Computer
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
Time
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
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