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"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
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Exlpore more Children quotes

"More than Captain America your kids need Amelia Earhart " more than Ant Man, they need Abraham Lincoln - more than Green Arrow they need Gandhi " more than Iron Man they need Isaac Newton."

"I was like one of those nauseatingly nice children. I was very, very well behaved and boring."

"The first duty to children is to make them happy. If you have not made them so, you have wronged them. No other good they may get can make up for that."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."

"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
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