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"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Work
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
School
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
Love
"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."
Friendship
"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."
Life
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
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"Children dwell in their dreams. Get them the wings and they'll fly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Revolution is like Saturn, it devours its own children."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The status quo and the media is doing everything it can to fry children's brains and make them grow up maladjusted."
Author Name
Personal Development
"After I won the Oscar, my salary doubled, my friends tripled, my children became more popular at school, my butcher made a pass at me, and my maid hit me up for a raise."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I grew up in Queens and New Jersey. I started doing children's theater when I was seven to get out of school because I didn't fit in."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Parents should watch what their children watch and not use TV as a babysitter. If a show is objectionable they should turn it OFF. They should write the president of the network and tell him they are never going to watch that program again and why."
Author Name
Personal Development
"All the children in the school should learn the steps of everything, before they learn the thing, then they know which step they're doing better, because your voice is in certain steps and has to do most of the things that have been composed in those steps."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Why, when I was a child, I didn't say, as most children do, that I was going to become an actress. I felt that I was an actress and no one could have convinced me that I wasn't!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Gift the children corruption free nation. Happy Children's day."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One of the most important things we adults can do for young children is to model the kind of person we would like them to be."
Author Name
Personal Development
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