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"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
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"The children of the revolution are always ungrateful, and the revolution must be grateful that it is so."
"The thing I want more than anything else? I want to have children. I used to feel for every child I had, I would adopt another."
"If you want your children to improve, let them overhear the nice things you say about them to others."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
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