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"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
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"The fact that the person who you are sleeping with is also sleeping with another person or other people does not necessarily mean that he or she does not love you. And the fact that you are the only person who someone is sleeping with does not necessarily mean that he or she loves you."
Relationship
"In a materialistic society, the dead body of a rich man's dog is regarded as a corpse; that of a poor man, a carcass."
Society
"The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today."
Mortality
"Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one's Tuesday."
Time
"A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist."
Religion
"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."
Work
"Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work."
Work
"In some cases, it is the woman's stomach-not her heart-that has left her man for another."
Relationship
"Being HIV positive doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to die before each and every person who is HIV negative."
Health
"Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations."
Religion
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