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"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
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"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
Control
"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
President
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
First
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion
"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
Life
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Popular
"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
People
"In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have."
Cure
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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Personal Development
"This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
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Personal Development
"When asked for your views, by the press or others, remember that what they really want to know is the President's views."
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Personal Development
"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."
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Personal Development
"I believe we will elect a new President in 2012."
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Personal Development
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
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Personal Development
"The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive."
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Personal Development
"I'm the only president you've got."
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Personal Development
"Ten of those Republican incumbents, all of whom voted for the impeachment of President Clinton, are from states that Bill Clinton carried."
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Personal Development
"A master of improvised speech and improvised policies."
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Personal Development
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