"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."

Humor, Right

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"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

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"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

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"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Regret, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

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"Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail."

Dance, Dancing

"She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short."

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"A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all."

Life, Fame

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

Technology, America, Right, University

"Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire."

Fire, Man, Moments, Tranquility

"Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world."

Television, World

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Explore more quotes by Clive James

"Fiction is life with the dull bits left out."

"It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are."

"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."

"Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail."

"She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short."

"A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all."

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

"Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire."

"Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world."