Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Humor, Clocks, Future, Right

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Jealousy, Doubt, Friendship

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"What's the difference between rain and grain? Only a g, though they both grow in the land, and they don't land but fall. What a difference a g makes!"

Ana Claudia Antunes, Brazilian Singer

Humor, Language, Observation, Life

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

Explore more quotes by Clive James

"Anyone afraid of what he thinks television does to the world is probably just afraid of the world."

Television

"It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are."

Technology

"Fiction is life with the dull bits left out."

Life

"She was good at playing abstract confusion in the same way that a midget is good at being short."

Being

"A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all."

Life

"Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail."

Dance

"Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology."

Technology

"Even in moments of tranquility, Murray Walker sounds like a man whose trousers are on fire."

Fire

"Whoever called snooker 'chess with balls' was rude, but right."

Humor