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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alas poor Yorick! I knew him Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest of most excellent fancy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Fool held his breath. On long nights on the hard flagstones he had dreamed of women like her. Although, if he really thought about it, not much like her; they were better endowed around the chest, their noses weren't so red and pointed, and their hair tended to flow more. But the Fool's libido was bright enough to tell the difference between the impossible and the conceivably attainable, and hurriedly cut in some filter circuits."
Author Name
Personal Development
"D'yer see it? This finger, laddie, could send ye to meet yer Maker!Sgt. Deisenburger stared at the black and purple nail a few inches from his face. As an offensive weapon it rated quite highly, especially if it was ever used in the preparation of food."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I didn't understand how. But the toilets had responded to me. I had become one with the plumbing..."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."
Love
"Never forget me, because if I thought you would, I'd never leave."
Memory
"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
Reflection
"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them."
Perspective
"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."
Connection
"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking."
Perspective
"If one is to be called a liar, one may as well make an effort to deserve the name."
Integrity
"You will be better advised to watch what we do instead of what we say."
Action
"Almost anyone can be an author; the business is to collect money and fame from this state of being."
Motivational
"What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow."
Perspective
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