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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
Author Name
Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
Author Name
Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places."
Humor
"Almost anyone can be an author; the business is to collect money and fame from this state of being."
Motivational
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you."
Love
"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."
Connection
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."
Confidence
"You will be better advised to watch what we do instead of what we say."
Action
"Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
Reflection
"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking."
Perspective
"One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries."
Curiosity
"What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow."
Perspective
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