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Erma Bombeck

"I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent."

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"I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent."

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Donna Grant

"Do whatever you will, but first be such as are able to will."

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Donna Grant

"Perhaps it is true that all that happens is in accordance with Your will, and thus it is good. But sometimes You leave blood on Your instruments."

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Donna Grant

"Most successes are unhappy. That's why they are successes - they have to reassure themselves about themselves by achieving something that the world will notice."

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Donna Grant

"Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."

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Donna Grant

"He is winding the watch of his wit; by and by it will strike."

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Donna Grant

"One believes others will do what he will do to himself."

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Donna Grant

"Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will."

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Donna Grant

"We shall all die, and our lives will be irrelevant then."

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Donna Grant

"Those who will bear much, shall have much to bear."

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Donna Grant

"I will listen to anyone's convictions, but pray keep your doubts to yourself."

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"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
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"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
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"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."
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Erma Bombeck
"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"
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Erma Bombeck
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
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Erma Bombeck
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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