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"I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent."
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"I am not afraid that the book will be controversial, I'm afraid it will not be controversial."
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"The Beatles will never get back together and David Lee Roth will never again sing with Van Halen."
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"Whether it will convince or not, depends entirely on what it is in itself, what is there to be seen."
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"Low-income seniors who choose to enroll in a drug discount plan will receive $600 of Federal assistance in 2004 and 2005 to further defray the costs of their medications."
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Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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