"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

Gay,

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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

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"Lately, I've been a little sad that I'm not a gay man."

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"To me, if a heterosexual has a right to do it, then I have a right to do it. And if it's important to the gay youth - who are now setting the agenda - then its important to me."

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"An awful lot of gay pop stars pretend to be straight. I'm going to start a movement of straight pop stars pretending to be gay."

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"I don't think any gay dude is gangsta, period."

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"It would have been convenient to be gay. Just because of the grooming, the narcissism, stuff like that. But I have this kind of roaring heterosexuality. Traditional, uncomplicated heterosexuality, an almost cliched Robin Askwith thing."

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"I've just found out there are pages on the internet dedicated to whether I'm gay or not."

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"I'm sorry I'm not gay or Jewish, so I don't have a special interest group of journalists that support me."

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"I'm a very recent convert to the gay scene. I went to a party a couple of years ago and met a very nice man who took me under his wing and started taking me out to clubs. It was a revelation."

Matt Lucas, English Actor

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"I want to host a religious show. I'm sure nobody will be wanting the 11 o'clock spot on Sunday morning. I think we should really get some of our own preachers and preach that gay is good. And we'd have a great choir."

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"It was a pleasure to be a gay eyesore."

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"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

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"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

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"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

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"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"

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"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."

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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

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"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."

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"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."

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