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"Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is."
Fun,
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"Fun is a good thing but only when it spoils nothing better."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think being funny is not anyone's first choice."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I finished the movie a month ago in downtown Los Angeles. I had a lot of fun doing it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Tell me that the purpose of life is to have fun, and without a care in the world I'll begin wreaking havoc on everything I pass. Now that's what I call pure, honest fun."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I have a lot of fun with guns, especially the M-16, but my favourite is my little .22. It fits nicely in the palm of your hand. I do limit myself to blanks."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Making the record was tons of fun, the most fun I've ever had."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think it's more fun to play a hero with an edge."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar."
Love
"I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'"
Cause
"I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'"
Ability
"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."
Time
"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
Car
"Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral."
Saying
"I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it."
Birthday
"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly."
Invention
"I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything."
Sports
"If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters."
Letters
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