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"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."
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"What keeps us from abandoning ourselves entirely to one vice, often, is the fact that we have several."
"He reproduced himself with so much humble objectivity, with the unquestioning, matter of fact interest of a dog who sees himself in a mirror and thinks: there's another dog."
"The fact that tradition hinders the individual savage from thinking logically by no means proves that he cannot think logically."
"The world is the totality of facts, not of things."
"A girl who is interested in becoming a model must first accept the fact that she is the product. She must be ready to deal with a lot of rejection."
"In fact, I'll be taking a lot of Cathy Gale with me. I expect that was why I was chosen for the part."
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"Generosity is nothing else than a craze to possess. All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives."
"We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry
"I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories."
"The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice."
"Oh, I'm not saying that alcohol is perfect. It has caused its share of problems. Russia is only one example."
"Kakimi chertyami oni viigrali holodnuyu voinu?'This translates roughly to: 'How the hell did these people win the Cold War?"
"Call me a proud American, if you want, but I truly believe that no other nation on Earth possesses the capabilities to put on a more powerful display of underwater mermaid patriotism."
"Passing the SAT: My personal theory is that it has to do with how much money you send them in the mail. I think the amounts they tell you to send are actually just suggested minimum donations - if you get my drift."
"Violence and smut are of course everywhere on the airwaves. You cannot turn on your television without seeing them, although sometimes you have to hunt around."
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