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Dave Barry

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

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"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

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Akiroq Brost

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."

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Akiroq Brost

"In fact I am quite snappy and irritable, and I don't know if I'd like to make myself worse in that respect."

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Akiroq Brost

"We're kind of wishing some parents would come back. And of course we're uneasy about the fact that we wish they'd come back - I mean, what's wrong with us?"

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Akiroq Brost

"Whoever wishes to keep a secret must hide the fact that he possesses one."

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Akiroq Brost

"Almost any biographer, if he respects facts, can give us much more than another fact to add to our collection. He can give us the creative fact; the fertile fact; the fact that suggests and engenders."

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Akiroq Brost

"The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."

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Akiroq Brost

"Theory helps us to bear our ignorance of facts."

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Akiroq Brost

"What keeps us from abandoning ourselves entirely to one vice, often, is the fact that we have several."

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Akiroq Brost

"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact."

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Akiroq Brost

"Facts and Facts, very useful once out there and there!"

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Dave Barry
"Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance."
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"Miami drivers will attempt to pass you inside a car wash."
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Dave Barry
"Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear."
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"The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot."
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Dave Barry
"U.S. News Organizations observe the anniversary of September 11 with investigations about the nation's continuing vulnerability to terrorism. First, the New York Daily News reports that two of its reporters carried box cutters, razor knives, and pepper spray on fourteen commercial flights without getting caught. Then ABC News reports that it smuggled fifteen pounds of uranium into New York City. Then Fox News reports that it flew Osama bin Laden to Washington, D.C., and videotaped him touring the White House."
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Dave Barry
"He couldn't get into Harvard even if he had the dean's wife at gunpoint."
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Dave Barry
"You could be Charles Manson, or Hitler, or even a lawyer who advertises on television, and your dog will still think you're the greatest thing ever. This tells you something very important about dogs: They are not very bright."
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Dave Barry
"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."
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Dave Barry
"I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War."
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"The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates."
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