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"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
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"As I laid in the hospital bed I started thinking that I had a show to do. I was hoping the Doctor would put me together so I could do the show."

"I lay in the bed at the hospital and said, 'let's see what I have left.' And I could see, I could speak, I could think, I could read. I simply tabulated my blessings, and that gave me a start."

"Every man I knew went to bed with Gilda... and woke up with me."

"If it weren't for the rocks in its bed, the stream would have no song."
Explore more quotes by Phyllis Diller

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up."

"The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you."

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

"My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual."
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