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David Sedaris

"The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair."

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"The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair."

Exlpore more Danger quotes

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Amber Hurdle

"Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or...""Or we'll die?" I guessed."Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes.""Let's avoid the swords," I decided."

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Amber Hurdle

"Nico wasn't sure whether to kick himself or Will Solace. If he hadn't been so distracted bickering with the son of Apollo, he would never have allowed the enemy to get so close."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's him," I said. "Typhon."I was seriously hoping Chiron would say something good, like 'No, that's our huge friend Leroy! He's going to help us!"

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Amber Hurdle

"You'd think getting chopped into a million pieces and cast into the darkest part of the Underworld would give him a subtle clue that nobody wanted him around."

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Amber Hurdle

"Three men sat around a table. All were muscled and similarly greasy and easily identifiable as scum. As he breached the entrance all three were moving, drawing their own guns in surprise.Only one got off a shot."

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Amber Hurdle

"Getting eaten by a giant crocodile was bad enough.The kid with the glowing sword only made my day worse."

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Amber Hurdle

"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die."

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Amber Hurdle

"You know what we call pedestrians in Morganville? Mobile bloodbanks."

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Amber Hurdle

"Tapping a finger against the flesh of her elbow, she deadpanned, "Jacin Clay, there is an assassin under my bed."

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Amber Hurdle

"Through danger safety comes - through trouble rest."

Explore more quotes by David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
"Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it."
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David Sedaris
"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."
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David Sedaris
"Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently and it was like, 'Yikes! What the hell happened?"
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David Sedaris
"I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself."
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David Sedaris
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."
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David Sedaris
"Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels --it's time to head up and move on out."
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David Sedaris
"Hugh consoled me, saying, 'Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at.'When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think."
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David Sedaris
"I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little finger wave, the type a leprechaun might offer a pixie who was floating by on a maple leaf. 'Well, hi there,' I whispered."
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David Sedaris
"The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, 'I want to love, I want to live..."
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David Sedaris
"Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.''Why not?''I guess I'm not in the mood?''Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.''No, really, I'm OK.''Just taste it.''Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.''Then how about half a glass?"
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