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David Sedaris

"The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair."

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"The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair."

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Amber Hurdle

"We triumph without glory when we conquer without danger."

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Amber Hurdle

"A ship with a hole underneath is doomed to sink! And ignorance is also a hole in the brain, a big hole!"

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Amber Hurdle

"You'd think getting chopped into a million pieces and cast into the darkest part of the Underworld would give him a subtle clue that nobody wanted him around."

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Amber Hurdle

"And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!"

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Amber Hurdle

"I tell myself, as sternly as possible, that is how things work here. We do dangerous things and people die. People die, and we move on to the next dangerous thing. The sooner that lesson sinks in, the better chance I have at surviving initiation."

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Amber Hurdle

"Nico wasn't sure whether to kick himself or Will Solace. If he hadn't been so distracted bickering with the son of Apollo, he would never have allowed the enemy to get so close."

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Amber Hurdle

"A killer with the manners of a rabbit - this is the most dangerous kind."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is no great sport in having bullets flying about one in every direction, but I find they have less horror when among them than when in anticipation."

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Amber Hurdle

"It is better to meet danger than to wait for it. He that is on a lee shore, and foresees a hurricane, stands out to sea and encounters a storm to avoid a shipwreck."

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Amber Hurdle

"The proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to overindulgence. On that path lies danger."

Explore more quotes by David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
"Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan."
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David Sedaris
"The thought of killing myself had slowed me down to five miles per hour. The thought of killing someone else stopped me completely."
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David Sedaris
"I realized I was a teacher when I felt warm during class and got up to open the door. Later on there was noise in the hallway, so I got up and shut it. Students can't open and close the door whenever they feel like it."
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David Sedaris
"I'm not a parent myself, but I think the best solution at this point is to slap that child across the face. It won't stop crying, but at least now it'll be doing it for a good reason."
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David Sedaris
"When asked 'What do we need to learn this for?' any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness."
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David Sedaris
"If you are any kind of an artist, then validation can be a result, but you're going to do the work anyway. Because you're just wired that way. It's so engrained, it's such a part of your personality that you don't just stop doing it."
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David Sedaris
"I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone."
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David Sedaris
"But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure."
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David Sedaris
"Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently and it was like, 'Yikes! What the hell happened?"
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David Sedaris
"I'd think it strange that the boardinghouse attracted both him and me, but that's what cheap places do -- draw in people with no money. An apartment of my own was unthinkable at that time of my life, and even if I'd found an affordable one it wouldn't have satisfied my fundamental need to live in a communal past, or what I imagined the past to be like: a world full of antiques."
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