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"IQ's are a combination of eyes, and queues. Would you wait in line to see my goat show? Of course you wouldn't, because the line is invisible."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
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Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
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Personal Development
"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
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Personal Development
"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."
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Personal Development
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"Having no applicable skills, in any possible area whatsoever, effectively makes me the master of redundancy. But that info is obsolete, like my insults dictionary, which I stole."
Humor
"To have the wisdom is rarely achieved by seeking the knowledge."
Wisdom
"Social networks are so full of wasted time - they could be compared to a waste disposal system. Flush, before you go and waste no time to go."
Technology
"Backpackers can pack much more meows than baggers. Beggars never feed stray cats as street cats are self-sustaining."
Nature
"To find doesn't always require to search."
Discovery
"Always carry what is beautiful in your heart."
Positivity
"I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet."
Creativity
"People decided that trees have no feelings."
Environment
"Love is always more than friendship."
Friendship
"When Jarod Kintz gets married, I want to wear his grandpa to the ceremony, telling everyone we're Siamese twins from the future-past. Meow."
Humor
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