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"Wit is educated insolence."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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"Human beings are by nature political animals."
Citizenship
"The generality of men are naturally apt to be swayed by fear rather than reverence, and to refrain from evil rather because of the punishment that it brings than because of its own foulness."
Wisdom
"One can with but moderate possessions do what one ought."
Simplicity
"For one swallow does not make a summer, nor does one day; and so too one day, or a short time, does not make a man blessed and happy."
Success
"The moral virtues, then, are produced in us neither by nature nor against nature. Nature, indeed, prepares in us the ground for their reception, but their complete formation is the product of habit."
Wisdom
"Therefore, the good of man must be the end of the science of politics."
Philosophy
"The virtue of justice consists in moderation, as regulated by wisdom."
Wisdom
"Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age."
Education
"Poetry is finer and more philosophical than history; for poetry expresses the universal, and history only the particular."
Philosophy
"Every skill and every inquiry, and similarly every action and rational choice, is thought to aim at some good; and so the good had been aptly described as that at which everything aims."
Philosophy
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