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Joe Bob Briggs

"The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle."

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"The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle."

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"Big Brother is watching you."

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"Never give up your wife, husband, children and families. Believe that people can change. Give others opportunity to change."

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"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."

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"Blessed is the womb that born you."

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"Until now, you have always lived your life alone. Every decision you've made has been for you and you alone. Now, and for the rest of your days, your life will be tied to another's. Every decision you make will be for both of you. What one does affects the other. You are a family, a team inseparable and unbreakable."

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"A rubber plant is just about the ideal family."

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"Father, I know you will hear me, I will speak."

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"When we sat down on the couch again, you curled up against my side, like you used to when you were a tod."

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"I was sixteen and my mother was about to throw me out of the house forever, for breaking a very big rule, even bigger than the forbidden books. The rule was not just No Sex, but definitely No Sex With Your Own Sex."

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"As I've said many times, the single most oppressed class in America right now is the teenager."
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"Everything changed in Bosnia, when General Wesley Clark proved that you could fight a war with high- level precision air strikes and a bare minimum of ground action."
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"There is no post-9/11. Everything from now until the end of time is post-9/11."
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"Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever."
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"The best ally you can have in breaking up a street fight is a grandmother."
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Joe Bob Briggs
"The Italians always made good wine, but you had the impression they were friendly guys in straw hats running family vineyards with slaves or something so that the vino was never more than ten bucks a bottle."
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Joe Bob Briggs
"A universal draft is most often the instrument of Third World dictators."
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Joe Bob Briggs
"Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke."
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"Faith is like a kernel of wheat."
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Joe Bob Briggs
"Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else's."
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