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"For instance, if Jesus Christ had died in prison, with no one watching and with no one there to mourn or torture him, would we be saved?With all due respect.According to the agent, the biggest factor that makes you a saint is the amount of press coverage you get."
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"A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist."
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Personal Development

"Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations."
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Personal Development

"Only the Prince of Peace gives peace."
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Personal Development

"There is a heroism in crime as well as in virtue. Vice and infamy have their altars and their religion."
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Personal Development

"There was only one guy in the whole Bible Jesus ever personally promised a place with him in Paradise. Not Peter, not Paul, not any of those guys. He was a convicted thief, being executed. So don't knock the guys on death row. Maybe they know something you don't."
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Personal Development

"A Unitarian very earnestly disbelieves what everyone else believes."
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Personal Development

"A universe with a God would look quite different from a universe without one. A physics, a biology where there is a God is bound to look different. So the most basic claims of religion are scientific. Religion is a scientific theory."
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Personal Development

"The sanctification of political power by Christianity is blasphemy, it is the negation of Christianity."
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Personal Development

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
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Personal Development

"Keep your hope in the Lord."
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"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Humor

"You know that old phrase 'Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it'? Well, I think those who remember the past are even worse off."
Reflection

"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open."
Happiness

"It's the last frontier to conquer, other people, strangers, the jungle of their arms and legs, hair and skin, the smells and moans that is everybody you haven't done. The great unknowns. The last forest to devastate. Here's everything you've only imagined."
Love

"Your birth is a mistake you'll spend your whole life trying to correct."
Life

"If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't."
Life

"People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."
People

"First your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life."
Family

"You'd be surprised just how fast you can close the door on your past. Learn needlepoint. Make a stained-glass lamp."
Growth

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."
Humor
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