"Pressed caviar has the consistency of chilled tar."

"Grown men have been seen fleeing after reading the menu posted outside."

"Scrooge pushed past Mary number 1 and Joseph number 2 in the wings without so much as an "excuse me". Typical."

"Drawn by warm nostalgic feelings for the place and by two sweet little words: "Open Bar.""

"Kristin Brown looks as though she could have been mailed first-class to New York for about a dollar and a half."