"My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill he gave me six months more."

"Every actor looks all his life for a part that will combine his talents with his personality... 'The Odd Couple' was mine. That was the plutonium I needed. It all started happening after that."

"We're writing a book together. She just finished one. Did you read it? Among the Porcupines?"

"I wanted to be a pharmacist. I liked the way our local pharmacist was always dressed in a nice white coat; he looked very calm, you'd give him money, and he'd give you something that you wanted to buy."

"The first girl you go to bed with is always pretty."