"In England only uneducated people show off their knowledge; nobody quotes Latin or Greek authors in the course of conversation, unless he has never read them."

"The world still consists of two clearly divided groups: the English and the foreigners. One group consists of less than 50 million people; the other of 3,950 million. The latter group does not really count."

"On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners."

"When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles, - but never England."

"Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars."