"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."

"The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP they have run out of better ideas."

"I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis."

"I love tennis with a passion. I challenged Boris Becker to a match once and he said he was up for it but he never called back. I bet I could make him run around."

"My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters."