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"Maybe none of this is about control. Maybe it really isn't about who can own whom, who can do what to whom and get away with it, even as far as death. Maybe it isn't about who can sit and who has to kneel or stand or lie down, legs spread open. Maybe it's about who can do what to whom and be forgiven for it. Never tell me it amounts to the same thing."

"Abuse may consist of physical maltreatment or language that is belittling, discriminatory..."

"I'd never felt so helpless - so hopeless - in my life as I did there. To be completely under someone's power, with no one to turn to for help, to make someone feel like they're at fault for you hurting them . . . I realized that was exactly what I'd done to Carly. That hangs over me every day."

"The problem with depicting abusers as full-time monsters is that when a person is actually experiencing abuse in their own life, they'll think 'oh but he's the sweetest guy most of the time so he can't be an abuser ' or 'but he's not ALWAYS horrible, he's usually amazing, so he's not an abuser', and they'll make the mistake of thinking they mustn't really be being abused when they actually are."

"The photographs of Iraqi prisoners being subjected to degrading and humiliating treatment by their captors, and the reports of acts of sexual abuse, physical abuse, and other acts of maltreatment shock the conscience."

"I heard the various terms of abuse at school and probably indulged them in the way you do as a kid."
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