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"On the radio, turned low, Reba sang of hard times with the full authority of a cross-eyed redheaded millionaire."
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"Strains of music spring up, crystallizing in the night air like rain turning suddenly to snow, drifting to earth."
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Personal Development
"Music is happiness with a steady pulse."
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Personal Development
"Music is the voice that tells us that the human race is greater than it knows."
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Personal Development
"I just like to entertain myself by sitting down and writing songs."
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Personal Development
"Music has always been a matter of Energy to me, a question of Fuel. Sentimental people call it Inspiration, but what they really mean is Fuel. I have always needed Fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio."
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Personal Development
"When can you understand that the music you play is very good? It is when people look at you but see no one, no one but the music!"
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Personal Development
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest."
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Personal Development
"You cannot taste a song but you can feel the tune relishing your heart where strings of music belong."
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Personal Development
"Orgy-porgy, round and round and round, beating one another in six-eight time."
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Personal Development
"They all knew my name, but no one heard the music - I didn't look the same."
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Personal Development
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"But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?"
Humor
"And thus he found his single source of joy in the society of other people: frightening the girls with his penis."
Humor
"Sarcasm will make your tits fall off."
Humor
"That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information.''Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery system?"
Technology
"It's sarcasm, Josh.'Sarcasm?'It's from the Greek, sarkasmos. To bite the lips. It means that you aren't really saying what you mean, but people will get your point. I invented it, Bartholomew named it.'Well, if the village idiot named it, I'm sure it's a good thing.'There you go, you got it.'Got what?'Sarcasm.'No, I meant it.'Sure you did.'Is that sarcasm?'Irony, I think.'What's the difference?'I haven't the slightest idea.'So you're being ironic now, right?'No, I really don't know.'Maybe you should ask the idiot.'Now you've got it.'What?'Sarcasm."
Art
"A question asked in earnest, deserves an earnest answer."
Philosophy
"Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe."
Holidays
"So I'm all, 'Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!' Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)"
Humor
"Of course they won't bloody remember, they'll be dead.' Then she called him a name in a dead language that translated, roughly, to 'poop on a stick,' but sounded more succinct, like this: 'Of course they won't bloody remember, they'll be dead, Poopstick."
Humor
"So I am death' Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast.'This is death toast sweety."
Humor
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