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"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"
Author Name
Personal Development

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
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Personal Development

"Movies either work or they don't work and they're either funny or they're not and we work very hard. To achieve that kind of work is really kind of delicate stitching."
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Personal Development

"But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time."
Author Name
Personal Development

"It's funny because it's funny."
Author Name
Personal Development

"It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up."
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Personal Development
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"I try to be known more for my work than for anything else."
Work

"What is a normal childhood? We weren't rich, we were pretty middle-class. My dad survived from job to job; with him taking care of so many relatives, he couldn't save any money."
Father

"For now, I'm just going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view."
Loneliness

"I still don't have all the answers. I'm more interested in what I can do next than what I did last."
Answers

"You either love or you hate. You live in the middle, you get nothing."
Love

"Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh."
Winning

"I'm 0 for 3 with marriage - the scoreboard doesn't lie, never has. So what we all have is a marriage of the heart. To sully or contaminate or radically disrespect this union with a shameful contract is something that I will leave to the amateurs and the Bible grippers."
Marriage

"When friends asked me, Can we help? I'd say, Not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest or teleport me off this rock. I used that line from Star Wars."
Time

"I so desperately wanted to be Mr. Somebody. Instead, I was the little brother, included to a point."
Brother

"I'm dealing with fools and trolls and soft targets. It's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee. I don't have time for these clowns."
Time
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