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"Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all."
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"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
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"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'"
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"A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it."
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"My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
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"Things that go on at Happy Times are very funny this year, and if you were watching last year, some of the people you saw then as basically extras emerge as real characters in their own right this season, at least to some degree."
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"But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know."
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"Shirley MacLaine said, You're so funny, then gave me a hug. Everything went white. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I thought I was going to pass out."
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"The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining."
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"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!"
Mother
"I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right."
Care
"Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all."
Funny
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