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Andy Rooney

"Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys."

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"Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys."

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"People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown."

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"People will not remember what you did for living,they will remember how you touched them with kindness and loving."

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"Nothing in fine print is ever good news."
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"Death is a distant rumor to the young."
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"The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough."
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"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
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"The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account."
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"I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you."
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"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."
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"If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it."
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"I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?"
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"Elephants and grandchildren never forget."
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