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"Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys."
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"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

"People do not understand what a great revenue economy is."

"Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes."

"The real problem is not why some pious, humble, believing people suffer, but why some do not."

"He makes people pleased with him by making them first pleased with themselves."
Explore more quotes by Andy Rooney

"The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough."

"When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper."
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"I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?"
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