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"I always have awkward relationships with the ladies for whatever reason. I don't know and so here we are. I was able to sort of take all of those terrible, terrible, terrible dates and turn them into a money making venture."
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"Egoism and Money [Goddess of wealth; Lakshmi] are very much at odds [have great enmity]. There should be just enough egoism to accomplish one's work. Beyond that, any expanded egoism and money have great enmity. Money (Lakshmi) stays away from it."
"There's a correlation between the number of digits on a man's bank balance, and, the number of things that his woman is willing to forgive him for."
"The Bible does not say money is the root of all evil; it says the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil. A poor man who, in his heart, worships the idea of being rich is more vulnerable to its evils than a rich man who has a heart to use it all for the Lord."
"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money."
"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated."
"You cannot spend money in luxury without doing good to the poor. Nay, you do more good to them by spending it in luxury, than by giving it; for by spending it in luxury, you make them exert industry, whereas by giving it, you keep them idle."
"Because people have no thoughts to deal in, they deal cards, and try and win one another's money. Idiots!"
"If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them."
"Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants."
Explore more quotes by Jason Segel
"I have a similar issue with people who hire me as I do with women. 'You have to have a particular taste to want to be around me. I have a slightly askew view."
"Kermit was the Everyman, the original Tom Hanks, but I have a special place in my heart for Fozzie Bear. The classic borderline hacky entertainer."
"You guys own the Muppets, and you're just kind of sitting on 'em. I really love the Muppets, and I think I know how to bring the franchise back."
"I've just grown a little disappointed with 'Muppets in the Old West', 'Muppets Under Water' and all these weird concept movies. I just want to go take it back to the early 80's, when it was about the Muppets trying to put on a show. That's what I'm trying to bring back."
"There were some super-lean years, yeah. I'm six feet four. And I entered into this period all of a sudden when I was too big to play a kid and I was too young to play an adult. Like, I couldn't play the lawyer, but I couldn't play the high school kid anymore."
"I sold my first script when I was 21 - this kids' adventure movie that never got made. I just bought that one back, actually. I'm pretty psyched about it."
"I was making out with this woman, and my shirt was off, and she leaned over and, in a really cute, girly voice, went, 'Hey, fatty!'"
"I always have awkward relationships with the ladies for whatever reason. I don't know and so here we are. I was able to sort of take all of those terrible, terrible, terrible dates and turn them into a money making venture."
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