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Aspen Matis

"I was desperate not to confront the fact that this really could be it-that "nineteen" didn't matter, that there really was a point at which even young bodies fail. I was not immortal."

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"I was desperate not to confront the fact that this really could be it-that "nineteen" didn't matter, that there really was a point at which even young bodies fail. I was not immortal."

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Amber Hurdle

"There is no conclusive evidence of life after death, but there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know, so why fret about it?"

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Amber Hurdle

"Among the tortures and devastations of life is this then-our friends are not able to finish their stories."

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Amber Hurdle

"Are-you dying?" she asked."Just can't breathe. This air.""Poor, poor-good lord. I've forgotten your name.""Hell of a thing.""Barney!"He clutched her."No! Don't stop!" She arched her back. Her teeth chattered."I wasn't going to," he said. "Oooaugh!"He laughed."Don't please laugh at me.""Not meant unkindly."A long silence, then. Then, "Oof."

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Amber Hurdle

"For he who lives more lives than one More deaths than one must die."

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Amber Hurdle

"After you die, a rare friend or family member may carry your memory throughout life. Most will forget you. As if you were never here."

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Amber Hurdle

"You could have died later on, you could have died after peace had been declared. But, in any case, you were going to die."

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Amber Hurdle

"Personally, I always wondered about authors and celebrities who loudly declared there was no God. It was usually when they were healthy and popular and being listened to by crowds. What happens, I wondered, in the quiet moments before death? By then, they have lost the stage, the world has moved on. If suddenly, in their last gasping moments, through fear, a vision, a late enlightenment, they change their minds about God, who would know?"

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Amber Hurdle

"One can not come back from life."

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Amber Hurdle

"Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters."

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Amber Hurdle

"A man who has decided upon self-destruction is far removed from mundane affairs, and to sit down and write his will would be, at that moment, an act just as absurd as winding up one's watch, since together with the man, the whole world is destroyed; the last letter is instantly reduced to dust and, with it, all the postmen; and like smoke, vanishes the estate bequeathed to a nonexistent progeny."

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Aspen Matis
"I walked without breaks, slept through nights without waking, inhumanly smooth " a small machine."
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"I wanted both things: strength in my independence and also this new desire. This felt like the beginning of a new kind of love."
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"This was a vision of wildness contained " caged. Huge, powerful animals whose wild dignity was stripped from them.Panic jolted me. These animals had had their freedom seized by people who put their own desires first. In the glint of the silver cage bars I saw the same steely repression, the same cold entitlement that allows people to feel it is okay to steal bodies and lives as I glimpsed while frozen beneath Junior. The boy who had put his few minutes of pleasure before my entire life."
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Aspen Matis
"These tools were my parents' way of saying: What you're doing is important. We support it. We want to help you find your way."
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Aspen Matis
"I sensed he was the one who might be able to see me clearly, the way I most wished to be seen."
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Aspen Matis
"Death is not a pretty flower that had almost pricked me. It was not a small annoyance I could simply bypass and quickly disregard. It was really The End."
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Aspen Matis
"It was my first lesson in the fragility of attraction."
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Aspen Matis
"The PCT would lead me to an otherworld, through the sadness I felt here, out of it."
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Aspen Matis
"I made a conscious effort to name my needs and desires. To carefully listen to and accurately identify what I felt. Hunger, exhaustion, cold, lower-back ache, thirst. The ephemeral pangs: wistfulness and loneliness. Rest fixed most things. Sleep was my sweet reward. I treated bedtime as both incentive and sacrament."
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Aspen Matis
"I was so much more powerful than anyone knew. I was an animal learning to fight back, instinctively, fiercely. I was a brave girl. I was a fit fox.I realized that the most empowering important thing was actually simply taking care of myself."
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