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"I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes."
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"Leo. Jason said, you're wierd. Yeah, you tell me that a lot. Leo grinned. But if you don't remember me, that means I can reuse all my old jokes. Come on!"
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Personal Development
"A civil servant doesn't make jokes."
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Personal Development
"I'm not a standup. I don't really have jokes. I don't have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this."
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Personal Development
"I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes."
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Personal Development
"I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry."
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Personal Development
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
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Personal Development
"You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic."
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Personal Development
"Johnny Carson started the jokes about me and Marlin in his monologues."
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Personal Development
"I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me."
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Personal Development
"There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere."
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"I'm very much an optimist. I don't think I could do my work if I didn't believe there was some kind of hope for humanity."
Personal Development
"There are so few women in general who aren't completely threatened and confused by other women's success. It's very disappointing."
Personal Development
"Unfortunately, most college kids these days aren't coming from any place-they seem to ask the same kind of questions over and over again."
Personal Development
"I don't believe in karma."
Personal Development
"I can't tell you 100 percent what makes a relationship work. But I can see something good coming and I can see something bad coming."
Personal Development
"When you're constantly looking for things from other people, you're not looking within yourself."
Personal Development
"Smut, if it's really smut, there's nothing backing it up. It's the easy way out."
Personal Development
"That disturbs people when they know they didn't have the guts or integrity to stick to their dreams."
Personal Development
"I think I've drawn from some of the most feminine women, like Jackie Kennedy. I am totally devastated that she's gone. She had it all."
Personal Development
"I'm trying to appeal to the disenfranchised everybody, not just specifically gay."
Personal Development
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