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"A distinguished clergyman told me that he chose the profession of a clergyman because it afforded the most leisure for literary pursuits. I would recommend to him the profession of a governor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Most politicians lie for the same reason a monkey swings by his tail, which is to say because he can."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Or he'd watch the news: more plagues, more famines, more floods, more insect or microbe or small-mammal outbreaks, more droughts, more chickenshit boy-soldier wars in distant countries. Why was everything so much like itself?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Shall I ask you how the church is to be filled, if a man is neither to take orders with a living, nor without?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"New York is a sucked orange."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Time is a waste of money."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."
Author Name
Personal Development
"On the Kite, the situation was being 'workshopped'. This is the means by which people who don't know anything get together to pool their ignorance."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"I wish it, I command it. Let my will take the place of a reason."
Reason
"A child is owed the greatest respect; if you have ever have something disgraceful in mind, don't ignore your son's tender years."
Family
"For women's tears are but the sweat of eyes."
Woman
"It is not easy for men to rise whose qualities are thwarted by poverty."
Man
"Our virtues are most frequently but vices disguised."
Virtue
"It is difficult not to write satire."
Satire
"This is his first punishment, that by the verdict of his own heart no guilty man is acquitted."
Heart
"Rare is the union of beauty and purity."
Beauty
"No one ever reached the worst of a vice at one leap."
Vice
"Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another."
Nature
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