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"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
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"If you want your writing to be taken seriously, don't marry and have kids, and above all, don't die. But if you have to die, commit suicide. They approve of that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The adults don't know what's happening on the kids' universe and the kids don't know what's happening on the adults' universe."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I suppose what's unique about our presentation is the amount of Scripture that kids get."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The kids put you on a pedestal. I didn't like it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I won't be having any more kids, though. Four is enough."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I always felt I was living in two worlds. One was the Mexican world, because nearly everybody I knew, relatives and cousins and kids in the neighbourhood, were Mexican. Then school was a different world. It was ethnically mixed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I want to live 50 more years. I'm 33 years old... and I want to live to at least be 80 and see my kids grow up and see my grandkids. That's important to me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've had lots of kids come up and ask for my autograph, I've had a grandmother stop me and ask me if I know a good place to buy underwear."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Twilight Zone' wasn't around with the kids. They think going up in space is neat. Within their lifetime, there will be paying passengers on the shuttle."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'll talk to kids afterward and somebody will always say, 'I'll leave my bedroom window open for you."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about."
Argument
"My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too."
Opinion
"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Luck
"I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me."
Wife
"On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me."
Kids
"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it."
Wife
"Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself."
Time
"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
Fight
"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."
Home
"My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock."
Gay
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