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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
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"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
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Personal Development
"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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Personal Development
"Well, when you come down to it, I don't see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?"
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Personal Development
"This President is going to lead us out of this recovery."
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Personal Development
"We are worried about the size of the deficit, which is why the president is pleased that the House and Senate have followed his lead in cutting the deficit in half over the next five years."
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Personal Development
"I don't know the answer to that question. I don't think it matters to the fundamental question here because at bottom, this president believes in non-discrimination."
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Personal Development
"There's never a dearth of reasons to shoot at the President."
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Personal Development
"A woman will be elected President before Wade Boggs is called out on strikes. I guarantee that."
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Personal Development
"But even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked."
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"I would say that President Roosevelt probably was more intimately in touch with the press corps at the White House than President Truman was."
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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
President
"Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."
Fear
"How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican."
God
"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."
Car
"Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars."
War
"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
Car
"There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it."
Humor
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