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Will Durst

"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."

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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."

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"A master of improvised speech and improvised policies."

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"The President had every reason to believe that the text presented to him was sound... These 16 words should never have been included in the text written for the president."

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"He has to do the heavy lifting and the windows and the wash, and also protect the president."

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"I was ordained one of the standing High Council in Zion, under the hands of President Joseph Smith."

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"I would never say President Obama doesn't have the capacity to continue to serve because of his statement that there are 56 states."

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"Some years ago I became president of Columbia University and learned within 24 hours to be ready to speak at the drop of a hat, and I learned something more, the trustees were expected to be ready to speak at the passing of the hat."

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A.E. Samaan

"The longer the president goes without telling his side of the story, the more unease there will be in the public."

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"There were around 1,000 stores when I was made president."

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Will Durst
"Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars."
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Will Durst
"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
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Will Durst
"There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it."
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Will Durst
"How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican."
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Will Durst
"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."
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Will Durst
"Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."
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Will Durst
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
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