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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
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"I don't think I'll ever be president of anything."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The most important aspect of the relationship between the president and the secretary of state is that they both understand who is president."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I didn't realize the president was such an historian."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I decided earlier this year that I would run for president, and obviously I needed something to run on."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The last president we had was the smartest guy anyone could remember and he did the dumbest thing anyone has ever seen in the White House so go figure."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The President is going to benefit from me reporting directly to him when I arrive."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you run for president of the United States, everybody does the same thing in the campaign-they talk about veterans, how much they admire them, how grateful they are."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Obama is a president, who I think is anti-jobs."
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Personal Development
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"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
Car
"There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it."
Humor
"Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars."
War
"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."
Car
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
President
"How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican."
God
"Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."
Fear
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