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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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Personal Development
"As far as my relationship with President Putin is concerned, it's fine."
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Personal Development
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I hadn't been President of the United States, I probably would have ended up a piano player in a bawdy house."
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Personal Development
"Clinton was a pretty good president for a Republican."
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Personal Development
"Reagan's dead, and he was a lousy President."
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Personal Development
"I'm going to be so much better a president for having been at the CIA that you're not going to believe it."
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Personal Development
"I said I didn't want to run for president. I didn't ask you to believe me."
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Personal Development
"Mr. President, I believe your real problem is that you have somehow been unable to realize that you have won, not only won, but been re-elected by a tremendous margin."
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Personal Development
"Like Odysseus, the President looked wiser when he was seated."
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"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
President
"Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car."
Car
"I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is."
Car
"How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican."
God
"Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale."
Fear
"Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars."
War
"There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it."
Humor
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