"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."

Mom, Beer, Ego, Favorite

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"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."

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"I was completely nuts for most of my life."

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"As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."

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"I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job."

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"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."

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"Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"

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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it."

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"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."

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