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"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."
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"We didn't have a TV in the living room and all my friends thought we were kind of weird. When they'd come over, my mom wanted to talk to them about current events."
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Personal Development
"My mom passed away a day before high school started, and her dream was for me to be a full rock and roll guy, and play drums in a band."
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Personal Development
"My mom was sarcastic about men. She would tell me Adam was the rough draft and Eve was the final product. She was a feminist minister, an earth mom who wore a bra only on Sundays."
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Personal Development
"My mom just understands about stuff. We have a really good trust, and she knows I can take care of myself."
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Personal Development
"Mom was the greatest influence of my childhood. She wanted to save me from the vice, lust, and drinking that was all about me."
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Personal Development
"Becoming a mom made me more contentious about expressing my true taste."
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Personal Development
"Being a working mom is not easy. You have to be willing to screw up at every level."
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Personal Development
"I got tackled once in a movie theater. I was with my mom and brother, and then suddenly I got hit from behind and sort of sprawled out on the candy counter."
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Personal Development
"I guess I was a mom so late in life, my daughter was the greatest thing since sliced bread."
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Personal Development
"They see me as being this Super Mom on TV who also can more than handle a difficult husband, and they assume I'm going to be just full of wisdom as a mother and wife myself."
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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it."
Woman
"I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them."
People
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job."
Home
"A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."
Mom
"The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest."
Heart
"Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with."
Woman
"My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel."
War
"I was completely nuts for most of my life."
Life
"Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."
Time
"I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I told my kids. I think I must have been Adolf Hitler in a past life."
Life
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