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"People, generally, suck."
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"Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be."
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Personal Development
"I guess the painkillers wipe out your memory along with your ethics."
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Personal Development
"Every gathering has its moment. As an adult, I distract myself by trying to identify it, dreading the inevitable downswing that is sure to follow. The guests will repeat themselves one too many times, or you'll run out of dope or liquor and realize that it was all you ever had in common."
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Personal Development
"No matter how kind you are, always expect a few imbeciles."
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Personal Development
"Men, in general, are a sort of scum, very different to anything of which you have an idea."
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Personal Development
"It is through experience that I have lost faith in USA law enforcement."
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Personal Development
"Politicians are interested in the health of the people like predators savor live prey."
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Personal Development
"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."
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Personal Development
"Anything that has cynicism to it and that's jaded is smutty."
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Personal Development
"Cynicism is the humour of hatred."
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Personal Development
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"One day I was telling him that I thought that cars had replaced guns as phallic symbols for American men, and I thought it was interesting that he had one that was so small and fast. The next day he gave me the Datsun and went out and bought a Lincoln."
Masculinity
"Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There's no such place."
Satire
"Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong."
Critique
"It was the sound of a thousand hungry children crying, ten thousand widows tearing their hair over their husband's graves, a chorus of angels singing the last dirge on the day of God's death."
Suffering
"The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear."
Growth
"Science, you don't know, looks like magic."
Science
"Don't be so hard on yourself, You're doing the same thing, trying to reconcile all the moms that Mom ever was - The one you wanted, the one she was when you needed her and she was there, the one she was when she didn't understand. Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves. When someone dies, they all integrate into the soul - the essence of who we are, beyond the different faces we wear throughout our lives. You're just hating the selves you've always hated, and loving the ones you've always loved. It's bound to mess you up."
Integration
"Sweet Pocket, you mustn't ask about my life before I came here. What I am now, I have always been, and everything I am is here with you."
"'Sweet Thalia,' said I. 'That is a fiery flagon of dragon toss.'"
Connection
"Turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you're a superhero."
Reality
"But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?"
Humor
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