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David Sedaris

"If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve."

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"If you read someone else's diary, you get what you deserve."

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Amber Hurdle

"I found myself serving a sentence of public denial from the very second the raid on my apartment happened."

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Amber Hurdle

"The only thing they'll let you shoot with a camera."

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Amber Hurdle

"Among my most prized possessions are words that I have never spoken."

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Amber Hurdle

"I don't want to be involved in endless media gossip."

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Amber Hurdle

"If it's public, it's not bonding."

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Amber Hurdle

"But secluding my experience during that early period was both cowardly and wise. Some things are too fragile, too vulnerable to bring into the public eye. Tender things with tiny roots tend to wither in the glare of public scrutiny. By holding my awakening within, I contained the energy of it, and it fed me the way blood feeds muscle. It fed me a certain propelling energy, and I kept moving forward."

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Amber Hurdle

"I have as much privacy as a goldfish in a bowl."

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Amber Hurdle

"He didn't have regular email like everyone else. He couldn't afford that digital fingerprint that the NSA, the CIA, the FBI and all the other espionage alphabeticals counted on for their privacy-bashing surveillance of the entire formerly free world."

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Amber Hurdle

"First law of pleasurable love-making in the long run, is that you don't keep naked pictures of your partner on your phone."

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Amber Hurdle

"It's quite enough to have a secret. Anything more would be greedy."

Explore more quotes by David Sedaris

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David Sedaris
"Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it."
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David Sedaris
"I would later discover it was a bad idea to gather more than two of these people in an enclosed area for any length of time. The stage was not only a physical place but also a state of mind, and the word audience was defined as anyone forced to suffer your company. We young actors were a string of lightbulbs left burning 24 hours a day, exhausting ourselves and others with our self-proclaimed brilliance."
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David Sedaris
"Look at yourself on the day that you graduated from college, then look at yourself today. I did that recently and it was like, 'Yikes! What the hell happened?"
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David Sedaris
"I find it ridiculous to assign a gender to an inanimate object incapable of disrobing and making an occasional fool of itself."
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David Sedaris
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."
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David Sedaris
"Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels --it's time to head up and move on out."
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David Sedaris
"Hugh consoled me, saying, 'Don't let it get to you. There are plenty of things you're good at.'When asked for some examples, he listed vacuuming and naming stuffed animals. He says he can probably come up with a few more, but he'll need some time to think."
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David Sedaris
"I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little finger wave, the type a leprechaun might offer a pixie who was floating by on a maple leaf. 'Well, hi there,' I whispered."
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David Sedaris
"The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, 'I want to love, I want to live..."
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David Sedaris
"Cover your glass in France or Germany --even worse, in England - and in the voice of someone who has personally affronted, your host will ask why you're not drinking. 'Oh, I just don't feel like it this morning.''Why not?''I guess I'm not in the mood?''Well, this'll put you in the mood. Here. Drink up.''No, really, I'm OK.''Just taste it.''Actually, I'm sort of...well, I sort of have a problem with it.''Then how about half a glass?"
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