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"Judges... are picked out from the most dextrous lawyers, who are grown old or lazy, and having been biased all their lives against truth or equity, are under such a fatal necessity of favoring fraud, perjury and oppression, that I have known several of them to refuse a large bribe from the side where justice lay, rather than injure the faculty by doing any thing unbecoming their nature in office."
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"Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone."
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"The laws of men are not infallible."
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"There's a War Crimes Act in the United States passed by a Republican Congress in 1996, which says that grave breaches of the Geneva Convention are subject to the death penalty. And that doesn't mean the soldier that committed them - that means the commanders."
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"Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught."
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"In law, nothing is certain but the expense."
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"Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw."
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"The lawyer's world is entire unto itself, the human pared away."
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"When they say whatever you say may be used against you, they mean it!"
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"The law is logical and is based on common sense. The trick was to argue the law in favor of your particular point of view without sounding biased. It was kind of like a magic trick: the best illusionist being the one who can best manipulate the logic to his or her advantage, all the while giving the illusion of impartiality."
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"Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy."
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Explore more quotes by Jonathan Swift
"Human brutes, like other beasts, find snares and poison in the provision of life, and are allured by their appetites to their destruction."
Life
"Politics, as the word is commonly understood, are nothing but corruptions."
Politics
"Most sorts of diversion in men, children and other animals, are in imitation of fighting."
Man
"Better belly burst than good liquor be lost."
Wisdom
"Men are happy to be laughed at for their humor, but not for their folly."
Man
"The want of belief is a defect that ought to be concealed when it cannot be overcome."
Trust
"Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest people uneasy is the best bred in the room."
Art
"My nose itched, and I knew I should drink wine or kiss a fool."
Love
"A man should never be ashamed to own that he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than yesterday."
Man
"It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as death, should ever have been designed by providence as an evil to mankind."
Death
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