"An imaginary friend once asked me why Americans can't stand Russia. The answer was cold, deadly, silent, and, well expected. It's because in Soviet Russia nothing happens anymore, because it doesn't exist anymore. And Americans are all about happenings. If there isn't one " they don't go where it isn't, because there isn't anything to happen to them there."

Satire, America, Russia, Politics

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"An imaginary friend once asked me why Americans can't stand Russia. The answer was cold, deadly, silent, and, well expected. It's because in Soviet Russia nothing happens anymore, because it doesn't exist anymore. And Americans are all about happenings. If there isn't one " they don't go where it isn't, because there isn't anything to happen to them there."

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"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

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"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

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"Cervantes smiled Spain's chivalry away; A single laugh demolished the right arm Of his country."

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"To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations."

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"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

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Explore more quotes by Will Advise

"A river starts by longing for the ocean..."

Journey

"One must be a lotus to emerge from mucky waters clean."

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"I want to be the most unsold, and the most unsought-after author, after I stop selling my fake name anagrams on the internet."

Creativity

"With all the global warming going around nowadays, it would only take the stubbornness of a mule and the patience of a sitting duck to achieve what no man has ever done before " namely melt the ice in a wax figure's beaten heart that was chopped off and hidden 50 meters under the polar ice caps in Alaska, to protect it from feeling."

Motivation

"Once a cat loves you, it loves you till the end."

Relationship

"Everything is like a wall. Said a scholar to the troll. Bang your head to go on through. Then you'll see, there is no queue."

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"Dark alleys, like social networks, are romantic, because you never know what might happen while I perform there every Caturday night. Cats do know, but won't tell. So don't even ask."

Observation

"To truly accept a thing one must have no inner tension about it."

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"Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie."

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"Nostalgia is the only acceptable form of sadness."

Nostalgia